my stupid mouth

i find myself gagging on my own foot these days. maybe i should just keep it in there and save myself embarrassment and heartache. i end up saying what i dont mean to say or doing things that i dont realize have far-reaching implications. i dont know which is worst--realizing ive done something wrong and then needing to correct it a few days later, or realizing im doing something wrong as the words slip out of my mouth. is it better to instantaneously recognize your failure or wait and let it seep over a few days until its nice and thickly flavored?

its frustrating. a small piece of the pie chart of my heart (my heart is circular for this illustration only) doesnt want to do hurtful, ignorant or irresponsible things because i hate to see people hurt or offended or angry and i want to be sensitive to them. the jolly-green-giant sized piece of the pie is the part that doesnt ever want to do hurtful, ignorant or irresponsible things because i dont want to have to fix them--i dont want to have to have to recognize the wrong in what ive done; i dont want to have to feel stupid; i dont want to have to be honest; i dont want to have to say im sorry. sadly, id almost rather live very small and safe than large and messy.