Laura Fissel's Top Ten

Ten Reasons why I don't want to:

10. years ago, that was me in that desk
9. times out of ten, they didn't read their homework
8. to 5 is such a relative concept
7. 0 gets you a D--why are they okay with that?
6. cups of coffee still isn't enough caffeine
5. minutes before class starts, i get the butterflies...you never grow out of the "oh crap" moment
4. almost an hour, i explain every way i can but its still not enough
3. days go by before i even catch my breath
2. many things to teach and not enough time!
1. person is responsible for so many futures

Ten Reasons why i do:

10. months for school, two for summer
9. times out of ten, they don't laugh at the jokes; that one time they do, it's a powerful feeling
8. years of school at least, and i'm still learning!
7.pm at the basketball game showing interest and building trust
6. periods a day and each one with a unique personality
5. days at a time to be a positive influence
4. years to witness time and maturity and growth's astounding power
3. paychecks a month, if i'm lucky
2. be a part of shaping a life is priceless
1. day at a time--tomorrow is a clean slate

when i finally give up at the end of the day

in the wee hours of the...night
i discovered some things about myself. After a day of shutting down
(like a street lamp when you're driving down the highway in those moments between dawn and day and thousands of volts just stop shining--vwhomp)
a whole day of turning my back to you every time you walked around me to front and center again (a frustrating game)
an entire 24 hours of pretending there was nothing to think about
holding thoughts feelings emotions at bay (hound dogs frothing at the mouth--they smell the kill)
at the end of it all, lying in bed, my mind fell open like a dying flower and
i learned some things about me.

i hate pretending that i dont want to talk to you.
i hate that silence that grows between us, a wall of water daunting but so easy to pass through with a bit of courage.
when i ignore you, i am ignoring myself, too.
but when i think of you, i am frustrated.

you spread your love out sky-wide like a banquet ready
and tell me, "eat! it's all yours!"
but i cant fly and i dont have a plane and as far as i know, humans cant self-levitate so
how the hell am i supposed to get to it?

when i think of reaching out to grab what you are offering,
it feels like work--hours and hours of building and sweating and climbing and effort
and it shrinks each time i stop trying
i always find myself on level ground--so terribly flat, so dreadfully hard and unforgiving

every day is a potluck (but not with covered-casserole dishes)
one day im determined, crawling and clawing my way to the sky
the next i bury my face in the earth and cry
"you are Love!" i scream
and i whisper inside, "would Love do this?"

the covers are too warm, but outside im too cold
but as i try to fall asleep, the discomfort is mostly from my inner dialogue
i always say that the problem is with me
but every day i find it hard to believe
Your song over me, that you fill my need
that You are pursuing and we no longer bleed
to be with You.

infinitive: TO BE

That's the problem: I am.
You are the I Am
so i don't have to be
what i was
doesn't match the is
because You have
and will
my being is in You
You've been
and always will be
i don't have to ask will
or are or were
because
You are
I Am.

Organic

God is organic and we reflect that part of his image.
He is the vine, we are the branches.
We are like trees, planted by streams of water.
The fruits of our Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control.
He is the bread of life, the living water.
His word is a seed that won't return to him void.
We are seeds planted in fertile ground that bear fruit.
His people are a vineyard that he cares for and tends lovingly.
We are sheep, he is the shepherd.
We are salt, sent to flavor the world.

Because we are organic, we grow and need specific conditions to do this; we go through seasons, experiencing life, death and life again; we are connected to each other and affect one another; and we have a creator--we do not bring life to ourselves, we do not give purpose to ourselves, but we are given life and purpose and a cycle of being by one with greater power than ourselves, the creator.

He wears it well

the sky is a garment
of silk
dark blue extending beyond sight
color softening into soft cloud patterns
fringed with the unique lacey outline of trees and mountains
He wears it well as he looks down with a smile

it is never the same twice
reflecting different facets of who he is, not what he feels
he is powerful
he is beautiful
he is unpredictable
he is huge
he is unique, colorful, vibrant, gentle
he is mysterious