the stronger thing

it's with a cold heart that she washes down her dinner with a swallow of coke and a handful of pills
burns all the way down
she is stuck in the cog of routine as it turns
and turns
and she feels lifeless.
a series of steps she must take, her day a list of things to complete
before she can call it quits
she's ready to call it quits altogether and escape to something new
or is she?
she settles into bedsheets that feel like a cotton sack,
closing in on her, cinched at the top
she waits for rocks to be thrown in and to drown
she falls slowly under a wave of sleep
the silence, the still part of the 24 hour round and round
that she'll wake to in the morning
she's ready to say goodbye, to hop in the car and drive away
anywhere
but she hasnt convinced her body to follow her soul
even though it's crying out, it's begging, it's taking her by the hand and
trying to drag her to the door
she takes her morning dose to quiet the
raging and pleading
what is this stronger thing that holds her in place like cement?