keller 101 (pt 1)

keller's newest series on the prodigal son (luke 15) has really impacted me lately. it was right on the heels of his series on esther. maybe it was the sermons, maybe the speaker...or maybe its just that im in a place to listen these days...maybe. i havent cried out to God in a long time--i mean, literary crying: the salty, wet kind. i just havent felt any kind of emotion--anything other than apathy--since...well, since i dont know when. so i thought i'd try to think through the progression of thought that led me to a small breakdown in my car on wednesday:

sermon 1 was from esther and what first struck me was this idea that God is in the small happenings of our lives: in the things that seem unimportant--perhaps even annoying non sequiturs in the chronology of our lives. in the bigger picture of esther (the book, not the person), the end result of the story was GOING to be annihilation of a people group, a tragedy only derailed by things like (not listed chronologically or in order of importance) 1. the king's drunkeness, 2. esther being an orphan, 3. vashti's banishment, 3. the king not being able to sleep at night etc. the list really goes on and on. keller pointed out that typically, when God showed up in the lives of the israelites to rescue them, it was in huge things (ie: the 10 plagues, the parting of the red sea, bread from heaven, destroying the walls of jericho with trumpets). the book of esther is a story that shows God's involvement on the "molecular" level, if you will--an encouragement that his presence is with us over mole hills as well as mountains.

i have both of those in my life--simultaneously, in fact. there are some things happening--re-evaluating our church membership, for one--that i would call "mountains." but mostly, my life is a series of events, some of which frustrate me in their seeming unimportance or pointlessness. when i am able to piece some of those things together (which i often try to do), and they fit into the larger puzzle of my life, i get excited. many times, i feel like i'm standing here with these fragments in my hands (remembering that i was never really very good at puzzles) wishing i knew where they went.

i wonder if esther sat around in the palace at night trying to figure out why these things were happening to her. she's a pretty silent main character. keller took a moment to point out esther's sin. she certainly wasnt a daniel, shadrach, meshach and abednego--refusing to eat outside their dietary laws in nebuchadnezzar's palace. they could have been killed for that! lucky that they weren't. i'm sure esther could have been killed, too, for refusing to go through all those beauty treatments or refusing to sleep with the king. she didn't, though. and...well, God used her to save most of her people from an evil plot to destroy them. at least from our perspective on the story, if she hadnt done what she did or been where she was, lots of innocent people would have died. im not really trying to make a point. i'm not sure what to say about all that except "romans 8:28," i guess, to slap a platitude on it.