image

naked.
that's how i imagine heaven.
in heaven, i am completely naked (please refrain from imagining this. if you must be imaginative, imaginatify yourself naked).

it's interesting that in the Bible, when it talks about the garden of eden (you know...where everything was perfect and in its rightful place, functioning as it was intended and being all harmonious and stuff), it is specifically mentioned that they were naked and weren't ashamed. now, all the pictures ive ever seen of adam and eve involve dainty features, smooth skin, chiseled abs and proportionate features. in short: they are perfect specimens of the species...what would they have had to be ashamed of??? and yet, when the whole sin thing goes down, suddenly, they are self-conscious and cover themselves up. thus, the concept of nakedness. they didn't call it nakedness before that. they probably called it....oh, i don't know...BE-ING? perfectly natural, right? hey, remember: garden of eden=harmony/functioning as intended/perfection etc.

i feel pretty comfortable when i'm naked. in fact, on those really bad days when i cant even stand the FEEL of me, my safe place is unclothed and hiding somewhere, like under the covers or the bath tub. sometimes it feels like my clothes are just reminding me that there are unsightly things about me. when i am out of those defining boundaries, i feel more free. less painfully aware of my everything. in general, just less aware of myself and more aware of what is around me instead.

i started writing on my mirrors a while back. this was so that when i looked at that reflective surface, i could see something else other than my blemishes and stubborn hair and fat rolls. the goal is to actually put words there that act as a buffer between me and my image--scripture or other meditative thoughts that can filter the way i see myself. most of the time it works, but i have also found other ways to be aware of my body that bypass the whole mirror thing, and i still find myself consumed by image. sometimes i can even look at my mirror and not even notice the dry-erase letters right in front of me...as if they weren't even there.