zombie day

i am trying so hard to be a productive, motivated employee today.

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i am trying so hard to try hard to be a productive, motivated employee today. well, this whole week, really. i sit at this computer with these lofty goals but always end up on Facebook again. a whole planning period clicking from Profile to Home to Profile to Home as if something had changed in the .5 second delay from one page to the next. i even changed my picture today to one i like less than the previous one just so i could see something new when i switched back for the fiftieth time.

i just want to do the minimum and go HOME, where i will find myself even less motivated, still on Facebook, but certainly more comfortable. something about the soft light of the Moravian star hanging above my dining room table and the flicker of lighted candles and the earthy aroma of freshly brewed coffee beats the fluorescent oppression of this cold room. i cannot help but feel that these evil elongated bulbs are burning through the top of my head into my skull, killing my brain cells. maybe that's why i cant concentrate or get anything done. i even tried playing classical music and drinking coffee at my desk, but the outside of my knees keeps hitting the frigid metal of this infernal desk and im getting indigestion from sitting in this position, leaned forward with my nose next to the screen.

"two more hours" the clock says in its drawn out monotone.

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how do you complement someone that you hardly know on losing weight? it could go one of two ways, really. they could either be highly appreciative or a little offended that perhaps you are implying they had weight to lose in the first place. i pretty much just opt not to say anything, and i try not to notice because it makes my own failure at shedding pounds that much more apparent. i'm the young one here, too. doesn't that count for something? where's the Olympic-sprinter-speed metabolism that i have a right to for age's sake alone? how are all these old people losing weight faster than me (no offense, it's just an exaggeration)??? well, i'm trying but after billy just one day this week, i can hardly walk and i'm shuffling around like a geriatric on a park trail. i cant really even bend my knees so i'm just pulling my feet along in my best zombie impression.

and hell do i feel like a zombie today...in the i-have-no-brain-or-energy-so-i-walk-like-this way, not the my-face-is-jacked-up-and-i-want-to-eat-your-brains kind of way.

hey, maybe i'm on to something. maybe if i just eat my students, this will all be over and i can finally go home.

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and how did i digress that far...?