this is not real

i dont know why in movies, it's sexy when a woman's hair blows across her face. i've tried it before--on many occasions (sitting on the porch on a breezy evening, driving down the freeway with the windows down) and it never works like that. always in the moment, when i'm feeling the wind bring strands of loose hair brushing against my skin, i think to myself "wow, i am really hollywood right now. i'm sure i look irresistibly mysterious and thoughtful. i'm sure it is adding greatly to my overall aesthetic appearance." and then, when i steal a glance at myself in the rear-view mirror or the reflection of the sliding glass door to the kitchen, the spell is instantaneously broken. i find myself the same ol', now slightly obscured by a mess of tangled knots. somehow, rather than making my hair shiny, soft and brilliant, it has transformed it to a stringy, oily horror that sticks to my face in odd places, even when i do one of those gentle, alluring head shakes (the ones where you lift your chin just a smidgen to show your graceful neck) to loosen them.

no. i dont know who came up with that, but it is not real.