memories from a song #3

"although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
i'm leavin my life in your hands
people say im crazy, and that i am blind
risking it all in a glance
how you got me blind is still a mystery
i cant get you out of my head
i dont care what is written in your history
as long as you're here with me

i dont care
who you are
where you're from
what you did, as long as you love me

every little thing that you have said and done
feels like its deep within me
doesnt really matter if you're on the run
it seems like we're meant to be

i dont care
who you are
where you're from
what you did
as long as you love me

ive tried to hide it so that no one knows
but i guess it shows when you look into my eyes
what you did and where you're comin from
i dont care
as long as you love me baby"

i remember the moment i fell in love.

the catalyst was a lie, a desperate bid to be noticed--perhaps popular even, if my cards played out. i didnt even know who they really were besides a boy band on a billboard at the roller rink, but on one pass by their picture as we went around and around under the disco lights, i proudly pointed and said: "oh, those are my boys."

secretly, my best friend allison pearson was impressed that i was so culturally savvy even though she acted nonchalant. i wasnt even sure what songs on the radio they were responsible for, but i had to do something with her chattering away in my ear about how these four super hot guys in another band were "her boys." i was not about to be outdone.

she ditched her boys for mine in the end. we both fell head-over-heels after truly getting to know them...the natural way that people get acquainted: obsessive stalking via internet.

we each picked one out to be our own, like puppies at the pound. then we quizzed each other until we knew their backstories, favorite colors and restaurants and catch phrases. we bought magazines with center-folds to plaster over our walls. i kissed mine goodnight...i dont know about her, but i would venture to say: same.

the real gem was the coveted "all access" vhs that we rented at least once a week. once we found it, im sure no other person ever rented it again. it was hours of pure heartbreaking bliss (at sleepovers often called for the occasion) as we drooled over footage of them napping, practicing dance moves, pulling practical jokes, and stirring yogurt. every other word out of our mouths for the next two years was a quote from this beloved film.

something stirs within me as these first notes sound over the airwaves. notes that will soon have me nearly dislocating my jaw as i belt out each word, still memorized. she and i would sing those notes together and as two talented vocalists, when we got the harmonies down, it was actually something to listen to.

sorry boys, it's not the music; it's not the lyrics; it's not even your sexy sexiness.
it's the memories that fill me to the brim when i hear those familiar harmonies. the nostalgia of a time less complicated, when we could giggle and dream and enjoy. the warm longing of infatuation. the deep connection of simple friendship.

"as long as you love me" by the backstreet boys