Laura's Status in adverb clauses

Laura sits down with emptiness in her stilled fingertips because there is too much to say.

Laura breaks open each word like an egg and sifts through the contents as if they were hastily cracked and there are shells mixed in since she couldn't be bothered to take her time.

Laura is screaming as if her voice could be heard where she is sounding it while she lets all her breath out in this long exhale.

Laura isn't sure why life has to be this grand enigma since every day is spent trying to crack this code although she has to do other things too while she attempts to unfurl the mystery as it goes and makes itself all the more complicated.

Laura straightens then hunches over and over again while she thinks as they lift then weigh her down where she cant pick up her chin without a fight because its too heavy and they are well trained while she is quite new at all this.

hands

as we sit
around this table dimly lit by candles reflecting off its shining surface
i watch your hands and not your mouths because
there is a theme that they express in their subtle kind of way
as they move, as if they didn't have the loudest voices here
speaking, expressing their theme
one has a band aid, camouflaged like skin, mysteriously curving up the wrist and into the palm
one has tiny cuts visible in the candlelight, healed over one by one
and the skin of others are smooth as cream, the brightness of diamonds and soft silver bangles only accents to natural beauty
they are moving with grace, and gentleness
or big with exaggerated expressiveness
but they all reach for the same foods
they all curve around the same wine glasses to bring them to ready lips
and we speak with similar words saying similar things
and even in our ten digits
there is a whisper of sameness

the trinity defined

Jesus is the hands
that hold me, on either side of my face
gently supporting
palm-side is soft but i can feel the callouses on the end of his
fingers and they bring images to my mind of hard
labor of sweat and toil
his fingers sweep the hair off my brow
trace my eyes and feel my skin
his movements tell me he appreciates me
that he is astounded by the beauty and revels wordlessly in it

the Spirit is the eyes that penetrate mine
we are nose to nose,
forehead to forehead
and when he looks at me, he is communicating everything to me
when he stares unbroken into my eyes
he is knowing me
his gaze sweeps me clean, the corners
full of light
and cobwebs exposed
i am an open room being filled and illuminated
and all the phantoms shrink until they vanish in a puff of black smoke

God-he is also the voice
that is soundlessly booming and ricocheting
through my skull like...
the seeds of a cloud-like daisy blown wishfully into the wind
little dancing seahorses
it says to me "no need"
it says to me " look no where but here"
he says to me "take not your eyes from this place"
and "i delight in you my beauty"

Laura Fissel's Top Ten

Ten Reasons why I don't want to:

10. years ago, that was me in that desk
9. times out of ten, they didn't read their homework
8. to 5 is such a relative concept
7. 0 gets you a D--why are they okay with that?
6. cups of coffee still isn't enough caffeine
5. minutes before class starts, i get the butterflies...you never grow out of the "oh crap" moment
4. almost an hour, i explain every way i can but its still not enough
3. days go by before i even catch my breath
2. many things to teach and not enough time!
1. person is responsible for so many futures

Ten Reasons why i do:

10. months for school, two for summer
9. times out of ten, they don't laugh at the jokes; that one time they do, it's a powerful feeling
8. years of school at least, and i'm still learning!
7.pm at the basketball game showing interest and building trust
6. periods a day and each one with a unique personality
5. days at a time to be a positive influence
4. years to witness time and maturity and growth's astounding power
3. paychecks a month, if i'm lucky
2. be a part of shaping a life is priceless
1. day at a time--tomorrow is a clean slate

when i finally give up at the end of the day

in the wee hours of the...night
i discovered some things about myself. After a day of shutting down
(like a street lamp when you're driving down the highway in those moments between dawn and day and thousands of volts just stop shining--vwhomp)
a whole day of turning my back to you every time you walked around me to front and center again (a frustrating game)
an entire 24 hours of pretending there was nothing to think about
holding thoughts feelings emotions at bay (hound dogs frothing at the mouth--they smell the kill)
at the end of it all, lying in bed, my mind fell open like a dying flower and
i learned some things about me.

i hate pretending that i dont want to talk to you.
i hate that silence that grows between us, a wall of water daunting but so easy to pass through with a bit of courage.
when i ignore you, i am ignoring myself, too.
but when i think of you, i am frustrated.

you spread your love out sky-wide like a banquet ready
and tell me, "eat! it's all yours!"
but i cant fly and i dont have a plane and as far as i know, humans cant self-levitate so
how the hell am i supposed to get to it?

when i think of reaching out to grab what you are offering,
it feels like work--hours and hours of building and sweating and climbing and effort
and it shrinks each time i stop trying
i always find myself on level ground--so terribly flat, so dreadfully hard and unforgiving

every day is a potluck (but not with covered-casserole dishes)
one day im determined, crawling and clawing my way to the sky
the next i bury my face in the earth and cry
"you are Love!" i scream
and i whisper inside, "would Love do this?"

the covers are too warm, but outside im too cold
but as i try to fall asleep, the discomfort is mostly from my inner dialogue
i always say that the problem is with me
but every day i find it hard to believe
Your song over me, that you fill my need
that You are pursuing and we no longer bleed
to be with You.